And We'll Turn to Salt

30 December 2006

Sheffield United 1 - 0 Arsenal

Oh Christ. I remember this game. Terribly muddy, sloppy, and utterly depressing. Maybe it was the rain? I wish I was writing within the frame of the 07/08 season instead of the 06/07 season; we're doing so much better this year. Maybe, when all I have to say is said and written down, I'll go back and quietly edit it, adjust it, such that that is true. It'd be so much more triumphant. Okay I should probably keep my mouth shut, the season is only half over, God only knows if it'll really be triumphant, maybe it will end in the most spectacular collapse ever witnessed in modern sports and I'll renounce my faith and stick solely to American sports. Knock on wood. We have more pressing matters to deal with, friends. Luckily we're working under Arsenal's poorest effort last season, a one-nil loss to a terrible team. This sort of showing (or lack thereof) requires our greatest ability to ignore and forget, and so I draw your attention to the recently released Mitchell Report. Quick aside: If, for some reason, you don't know what the Mitchell Report is, well, it is a report that attempts to document the use of steroids within professional baseball. It was a good idea but a sorry execution; it had little support from anyone, and as such it presents very limited evidence. But anyhow. So: The Mitchell Report. About 80 names were dropped, either directly saying certain players did steroids, or implying that sentiment. None of the names are terribly surprising or concerning: Oh no, Gregg Zaun did steroids? Fuck me. What's that you say, Mo Vaughan and David Justice did steroids? Who, exactly, gives twelve shits? So I'm taking all this in, and it's just kind of a ho-hum affair, and then one name appears that gives me pause: Roger Clemens. Wait, what? I mean. I guess it's not entirely shocking. He did play major league ball until he was, what, 44? And he got startlingly good when he was 34. That... that generally doesn't happen. In any sport. Your best years are mid-to-late twenties for baseball. Sure, you can get into a holding pattern for your thirties, but to get better? Here's a quick peek into this phenomenon. In 1995 and 1996, when he was 32 and 33, he won 10 games each season. In 1997, at the age of 34, he won 21 games. In 2001, at the age of 38, he won 20. He went 20 and 3, as a matter of fact. He lost only three games that whole season. Back to 1997, though. He had 292 strikeouts. 292! And 271 strikeouts in 1998. He compiled 563 strikeouts those two seasons, aged 34-35. That's the most he achieved in any two-season period, and the 292 total is his career high. He had a career high at the age of 34! God, of course he did steroids. Of course he did. Yet it still never fails to break my heart to think that Roger Clemens, greatest pitcher since Nolan Ryan, and one of the greatest pitchers ever, did steroids. Suddenly I feel like everyone in San Francisco. What am I supposed to do with this? Roger Clemens is - was? - one of my favorite ball players. I mean, yeah he was a legendary player and that's fucking cool, but more importantly he had an incredible attitude and swagger to go along with that talent. He didn't give a flying fuck about anybody but himself (and hopefully his team, sometimes, maybe just a little?). That's a big parallel you can draw between him and Barry Bonds actually: neither really gave a fuck about anybody but themselves and their family. I think that's what allows a player, who has great talent, to take steroids and tarnish that reputation by achieving hitherto unknown levels of success. Barry Bonds is the home run king. Roger Clemens is second on the all-time strikeouts list, eighth on the wins list. In order for Bonds to overcome all previous home run kings, and for Clemens to assemble staggering numbers, they took steroids. They... they cheated. It sounds so trite. So childish. "They cheated!" I scream at my television, pouting, furious. How could they! It's like they have affronted me. Who am I kidding? They can sleep at night. Who knows if they REALLY did steroids. I prefer the "assume they lied" route, it's much more torturous, much more artistic. I am pretty confident in the knowledge that Bonds took steroids, and in the same spirit, I am confident enough that Clemens did too. I indict them not because I believe they are guilty, but because the majority of society will believe they are guilty and my opinion matters not. Much like American politics, my voice matters little-to-none. I can have my own opinion and voice it as I please, but it doesn't really effect anything. So I accept society's determination, and I expect it will be basically what we have awarded Barry Bonds. At the end of the day, the real problem this creates is twofold. First, it removes most, if not all, the value contained within the given athletes triumphs. Suddenly it's no longer impressive that Roger Clemens, at the age of 34, had 292 strikeouts. That at the age of 36, Barry Bonds hit 73 home runs. Second, it removes the value of the time I spent watching them strive towards these achievements. I used to be so proud of that fact that I got to see Clemens play in Yankee Stadium. Now? Now I feel like a moron. I feel stupid for having believed in him. I feel duped. I feel tricked. Of course, is it surprising that this man, who publicly cared so little for the feelings of those around him, cared so little for mine as well? No, no it's not.